zapped

no brown for me this year. i will have to admire brian evenson's beard from afar. wasn't expecting anything, of course, as i ain't have a whole lot of an undergrad degree, but the fact that there was precedent gave me just a tiny shit-smudge of hope.

trying to decide that it's for the best. i mean, even the thought of loans on top of my loans makes my spine bend. but what now? obviously grad school doesn't guarantee you a job you're probably fucking your own ear if you even think about picking up a pencil etc., but at least i would've had the illusion of some kind of career path.

plus, my mom. oh god, my mom.

(sorry, mom. as long as your third child doesn't burn out as hard as the first two, we'll still be able to put you in a home when the time comes.)